he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
