I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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