i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
