Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
