I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
