the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
