i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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