When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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