totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
