I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
