Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
