if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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