We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
