When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
