I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize