we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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