yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
