there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
