All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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