I accidentally had phone sex last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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