I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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