I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
