i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
