I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
