White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
