i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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