end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
