Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
