I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
