Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
