btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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