Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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