I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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