Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
