The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
