So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
