My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
