So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
