I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
