the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
