I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
