Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
