i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
