She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
