dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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