I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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