I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
