I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
