I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
