remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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