Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
