You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
