Who did Billy Mays play for?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
