she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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