he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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