i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
