I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
